The self help skill questions below harness one of the most effective life coach skills there is - asking powerful questions. Coaching yourself through big or small challenges is a matter of gaining clarity on your situation. Using these questions to organize your thinking and rally your energy can make all the difference.
C.F.S. is a self help skill formula you can apply to proactive changes you may want to initiate or to changes that have naturally come your way.
You may use it to organize your thinking and mobilize your energies towards the changes at hand.
C.F.S. stands for:
Changes, big or small, usually require that we call on all three elements of this self help skill formula. Use your creativity, flexibility and skill to come out on top. Here's how to mobilize each one in turn...
What is creativity within the context of this self help skill formula? Creativity, in this context, is guided by the following two questions:
1) What do I really want?
2) What can stop me from getting it?
If we don't know what we want, how can we make a serious effort to get it? We can't. Without a target, without a goal, we fritter away much of our energy on pointless struggle. We are pulled this way and that. There is no framework to contain our energies and give us direction. Once we have decided what we want - and I do mean here a firmdecision - then we ask ourselves, "What can stop me from getting it?"
The creative answer is NOTHING. This is the premise that creativity takes vis-a-vis the things you want to achieve. The key to creativity is that it knows no limits. It has no boundaries.
Look at the world of nature. The seedling that finds a way to grow through a crack in the sidewalk. The water that erodes whole mountains and bores through rock. This is the creative power of life that flows within us. Tapping into this boundless creativity is to breathe life into the saying, "Where there is a will, there's a way." Take the creativity out and this saying quickly becomes a cliche.
The nature of creativity is to flow around obstacles. Armed with this new knowledge, we can now feel confident of finding answers to the questions we ask ourselves, "What obtacles will I need to overcome in order to meet my objectives? What are the things that can stop me from getting what I want?"
This brings us to the second stage of the self help skill formula.
What is meant by flexibility within the context of this self help skill formula? Flexibility is guided by these two questions:
1) What do I need to change?
2) Can I change as required?
In the first stage, we made a decision as to what we wanted and then we made a realistic assessment of obstacles standing in our way. We also established a trust that there is a creative solution to any problem that may present itself, or a way around any obstacles that may come our way. Now we address the issue of change.
How will achieving our goal, aim or purpose require us to change? We may wonder why we have to change? We say to ourselves, "Can't I just stay the same and achieve my goals regardless?" However, logic tells us that change is a necessary part of the process. But our emotions are not so easily convinced. Our emotions want to know if there is a way to obtain the necessary change we want without having to change ourselves in the process.
If the goal is significant or meaningful enough, we set aside our emotions and seriously begin to mobilize ourselves for the change that is to take place. We will be required to stretch beyond the limits of who we are now - into something new.
It's Einstein who offered the now-famous definition of insanity as, "Doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result." This exemplifies the degree of resistance we have for change, even when the need for change is clearly identified and desired. If we aren't able to change a part of who we are or how we do things, then we may lack the flexibility to succeed in our mission.
When faced with a goal, challenge or difficulty, we need to be crystal clear about the kind of changes we are being asked to make. Then, we need to commit to making those changes. If we aren't willing to commit to the changes that need to be made, then we should either scale down our goal to something that requires change we can handle, or simply admit that this isn't a goal we want badly enough.
The challenge of flexibility often comes down to the inner-conflict that arises between our desire for change and our equally strong desire (mostly subconscious) for wanting to stay the same.
On the one hand, we want things to be different. On the other hand, we want things to remain as they are. We are torn between the emotional reflex of wanting to maintain our current habits and ways of doing things and our desire to experience something new and different.
"How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."
The bottom line is that we don't want to be bent-out-of-shape in order to achieve our goal. Yet, this is exactly what's being asked of us. We need to become flexible, supple. We need to relax the muscles of who we think we are now - and let ourselves stretch. The more we allow this stretching, the less likely we are to return to our former shape. We see change taking place and our goals being reached.
Feel free to browse through a selective collection of self motivation quotes and wise words of wisdom to help you stretch your mind.
The third step of the self help skill formula is skill. The guiding questions here are:
1) What skills are required?
2) What new skills do I need to develop?
We need to honestly assess our current skills and/or skill level. Do we have the skills required to achieve our goal? Perhaps we have only to raise the level of ability in a skill we already possess, or perhaps we need to learn a new skill - and do something we have never done before.
Our skill level is the armour that protects us from bouts of self-attack. It protects us from the arrows of self-doubt and insecurity which we often launch against ourselves. When our skill level is high, or when our skills are plentiful, we don't need to compensate with ego for lack of ability.
Skill is a wonderful liberator. It liberates us from the ego. When we are truly skilled at something we don't feel the need to defend ourselves. We feel confident that we can achieve our aims regardless of any opposition.
The more skills we have, and the higher the skill levels we reach, the more flexible and creative we can be. Skill generates creativity and promotes flexibility. In concluding, all three encourage personal growth that goes beyond a fixed definition of ourselves. Creativity, flexibility and skill provide a potent mixture that is hard to beat, or more accurately, makes us hard to beat.
The beauty of the C.F.S. self-help skill formula is that it leaves our ego at the door as we step towards embracing the changes ahead. Creativity, flexibility and skill are essentially 'egoless' qualities that emerge from our true inner self and the subconscious habit mind. Anyone who wishes to do so can call upon creativity, flexibility and skill to show the way. Use these self help skills well and often.
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